Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
