I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
