I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
