i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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