i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
