So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
