There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
