Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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