2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize