I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
