that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
