I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
