i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize