You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
