Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
