were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
