I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
