i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
