well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
