I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
