I think my fart just growled at me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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