I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
