This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I smell like Dick and happiness
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