She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
