I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
