I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
