Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
