I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
