She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
