I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
