I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
so much tequila, so little girl.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
