You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
