Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's get the cat blown out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
