he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
