im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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