@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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