if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need a beard to bite.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
