i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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