What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize