Yo dont text me then not text me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
