tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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