we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
