what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
