Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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