is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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