i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
