WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
