I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
