it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You have to summon your inner elephant
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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