i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
