I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
