Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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