mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
