wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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