Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
