Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
