I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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