I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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