I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
