you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk is not a location!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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