my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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