this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
